The Punisher

The Punisher

Punisher is what I sometimes call our male cat, Pantoufle. He is always sneaking up on our female and whaling away on her. She pays him back though.

So it goes for the Prairie Punisher Duathlon. The darn thing snuck up on us and we registered 11 days prior to the event. Good idea? Probably not.

I was thinking that we run and bike so much, a Duathlon is almost like a long workout. Not so much.

And so there is really no prescript to tell you about. No long training rituals. No leg-burning, mind-searing workouts reminiscent of middle-ages gladiator training. No blood. No tears. No drama.

Until the morning of the event…

I have learned a lot over the years doing these things. I left my running shoes on top of my car on the way to a marathon once. I actually went back and found them on the highway after arriving at the parking area, realizing I was an IDIOT. I have left things at home like sunscreen, or my race packet. You name it, I have brain-farted it away. So the bikes were loaded. Packets were made for the transitions. All was ready… except Mother Nature.

Gardner KS is about 22 miles southwest of the house. As soon as the drive there had begun the skies were noticeably threatening to the southwest. Figures. We kept a close eye on the sky. The roads became wet about 6 miles from the starting area, and the rain shafts coming out of the clouds were visible in the area. Surprisingly, things dried out right around the starting area north of Gardner and the event was a go.

Check in was no sweat. Bathrooms WERE a sweat box. Humid and cramped with a line of guys about 10 deep, you’d think they’d have a few porta-potties on site. Nope… just a two-header men’s room with too much business and smells you can’t describe.

I came out of that gas chamber and into the wet sticky air. I got all of my equipment and marked my arms with my number at the car by myself… my purple Sharpie matched my bike color. At least I had that going for me!

After a short speech and instructions we were off. The course was damp and difficult. The run was a wave of drainage basins and hills. Down-up-down-up-down-up-false flat. Then we turned around and the reciprocal was our “gift.” I finished on schedule and my thoughts drifted to the pain of doing that nonsense again later. I had no idea how right those thoughts were!

The first transition was a little slow. Just over two minutes to put on shorts, change shoes, and don a helmet. That was a little disappointing actually. I may have felt better about it if I had fallen down putting on my bike shorts or something.

The bike rolled pretty well though, and the roads were dry enough not to be dangerous. There were no curves on the roads, just 90 degree turns at intersections. Those spots were the only places were caution was required. The bike course itself was just like the run… either up or down or false flats. The first half I rode pretty well, but my lungs were not very efficient in the thin humid air. The second half of the bike portion I could feel my legs start to build with lactic acid. Slowly but surely, I was losing my top-end. And, was I thirsty?! I should have thrown a few swallows of water and sport drink in the furnace on the first segment and transition.

By the time I reached the transition I was ready to run. Right. Just over a minute to change shoes and shirt, and I was off and running. NO… I was NOT! My calves seized as soon as I tried to run. Each time I tried to go they’d lock up again. I had no choice but to stretch them on a curb at the edge of the park used to stage the race. After that I ran and walked portions of the first ½ mile or so. Then I jogged really s-l-o-w the rest of the way. I had not trained for the transition. I did not drink anything on the bike. This, my friends, is the perfect recipe for muscle cramps.

Right after I finished the skies opened and a steady rain began to fall. It seemed to be all around us before and during the event. The rain after the event seemed to be only over the race area. Incredible. It did not take long to pack and leave… or find the nearby Mexican restaurant to refuel!

I finished two minutes behind my target time. I could have finished 5 minutes better with a proper first transition and by meeting my 2^nd run target time. I was not too disappointed. It is called the Prairie Punisher for a reason. I am not sure that is good marketing beyond attracting the masochistic. I may do it again, or more likely another duathlon at some point. I’m sure something else will humble me if I correct all of my mistakes. That’s life unless you live in an ageless, fantasy world of perfection. I am none of those things. Some people climb to summit. Some people race to win versus others. My race… my climb… my battle… is against myself.