Keeping It Real – True Confessions of a Lying Cheating Running Scoundrel
written in AUGUST 2004
PART ONE
You all must know by now that I love words and etymology. I even get into slang. With that in mind, here are some current terms to be used in the coming paragraphs.
>’Keeping It Real’ is a slang phrase I use a lot for ‘reality checks’ with others and myself. It means being you and not being a fake. Further, it means not living in a fantasy world. A fantasy world is generally one in which a person mistakenly believes his or her actions only affect themselves. Finally, it just means being TRUE to you and others in every way possible.
>Partner – the archaic definition is ‘one that shares,’ and I happen to like that definition!
>Scoundrel is defined as a disreputable person. A synonym is RASCAL, which is defined as a mean, unprincipled, or dishonest person.
Introduction & Purpose
Most of us have been running and training for years. Some of us are just getting started. This article serves as a tongue-in-cheek reminder of the quirks and bad habits we fall into as we train and exist as athletes in a world of couch potatoes [or worse, mean motorists and farm implement operators]. Be warned! There is no sugar coating to come. I am, as the title says, keeping it real. But the accusations and references to come are things I am guilty of myself. If you get offended just read the self-appraisal at the end of next month’s newsletter. You will find that I am taking long looks in the mirror on a regular basis and trying to change some of these things. Some of these traits are not worthy of a change effort, but of hardy laughter! So take all of this as seriously as a dentist’s visit but as lightly as a children’s musical. Does that make sense?
Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Ways We Lie & Cheat
Now, lying and cheating are powerful words. But we do it to ourselves [and others] all the time! Sometimes we don’t even know we are doing it. Scandalous! How? Read on… my friends!
>The Training Intensity Lie: How many times does our training schedule call for an easy day and we crank the effort up to the moon? Admit it! You look at the schedule in the morning. The afternoon comes and you start your run. You feel GOOOOOD! You reason with yourself and decide to push it. You finish and are proud of your effort. You are a liar and a cheater! You lied to yourself when you read the schedule and promised to stick to it. You may have lied to your partner, who was expecting to run with you based on the schedule you were waving around in the air. But you left them and your schedule far behind. You certainly did not share… right partner?! Personally, I try to do what my intentions and agreements call for. I do less if I am feeling crappy, but I never do more than prescribed. Why not? Listen, if Chris Carmichael makes a workout schedule I am sticking to it. I don’t want to burn out or have injuries creep up on me just because I decided I felt good enough to push it on an ‘easy’ training run. Further, if I am running with partners, I am sticking with them unless we have previously agreed to ‘scatter and gather.’ Sometimes this means taking one for the team. That means we run slower than preferred or we are bumping our redlines from the start. Hopefully we can find some common ground between these two extremes. I suppose the bottom line when running with partners is to clearly state our intentions before starting, and then stick to them. Nobody should get bent about that method.
>The Training Performance Lie: Have we ever been stopped at a stop light or felt bad and had to walk a few steps? Have we, at the end of our run, ‘reshaped’ the performance of the training because of these events? We may have said “I would have averaged an 8:45 mile were it not for the stoplight.” Or, my personal favorite, “If I were feeling better and didn’t have to walk, I could have ran a 7:30 average pace!” Uh, yeah… whatever dude! If I would have let off the gas pedal I would not have gotten that speeding ticket either! Cops don’t accept most excuses, and you shouldn’t either. We should police ourselves and record the real performance of our workouts! Log our honest results. If we don’t want to account for impediments, we should use a track or a treadmill. When I have to walk I log a run-walk, and forget about the pace data [it is irrelevant because I obviously went too fast!]. I get out of a lot of self deception by just logging time instead of miles [hey, I’m slow and can do it this way!]. However, if I run the Clark trail in 1:25 including stops, it gets logged as 8.2 miles at 1:25. I never ‘guess’ at my ‘true’ running time. That is ridiculous. I read an article about an elite marathoner who, because of time constraints, never runs more than 10K at a time. My point? It is crazy to get hung up on ‘what ifs’ and such… just run [or walk] the miles and log the TRUE results, and everything will usually work out fine. Of course, we’d all be accountable and unable of self-deception if Shiela were to buy a wrist GPS for all of us!
>The Training Purpose Lie: This one gets to me more than any other lie. We tend to sandbag here [understating reality a little bit to make ourselves look better]. The result of sandbagging is usually negative. Let’s say we tell a colleague in a conversation at work one Friday that we run for ‘fun and enjoyment.’ The following Monday we meet at the water cooler again to discuss the past weekend’s events. We tell the colleague of the 10+ mile club run Saturday at 7am, and of the 30 mile bike ride on a windy Sunday afternoon. The colleague leaves the conversation with a smile [they are thinking ‘it must be FUN to get up at 530am on Saturdays and ENJOYABLE to fight a vicious headwind for 90 minutes], and we leave with zero credibility! Come on people… if we have any goals at all, state them! The only reason we sandbag is that 1] we risk being judged [or judging ourselves] for not reaching a goal in the future or 2] we risk being labeled as a freak. So what if we fail? You are going to fail from time to time… get used to it. And, to most non-athletes we ARE freaks, so get over it. And I hope you never invite me on a ‘joy ride’ or ‘easy run’ for ‘fun and enjoyment’ while you click off 24mph or 7:30 miles, unless you want a replay of the Exorcist back at the car! This happened to me for the Mueller Monday rides two years ago. The sandbagging, perpetrating biker scoundrel was actually someone we all know, but the person is thankfully not a club member! [hahaha] The same water cooler discussions can also tarnish us if we are excessively humble. Let’s not talk about 10 mile runs as ‘easy’ to a non-runner. It is discouraging for them to hear such things. We want to encourage people to participate in our sport, and understating the effort and difficulty of it is not the best way to do it. Our club run is moderately hilly, and until recently, offered no decent place to take a leak. It’s TOUGH! And if someone is just starting training, they may end up running alone. By all means, let’s be truthful about those things.
>The Catch-Up Lie: I know what you are thinking… but no, this does not refer to a popular condiment! All of us take some days off from time to time for rest, injury, or illness. Instead of picking up where we left off in our training plan, we play catch up and try to squeeze the training we missed into our lives. The lie is thinking that this actually helps us gain fitness. This is no joke, and can lead to injuries. With the fitness base most of us have, it is best to just pick up where we left off or jump ahead to stay on schedule. Try not to skip the long runs, which are so important to most of us. But puuuhhhleeeze, do NOT try to squeeze five days of training into 2 days.
>The Rewards Lie: This one is funny, but serious, too. We often think to ourselves “I train like a freak, so I can have dessert anytime I want to!” And, guess what? We can! But do not complain when the pounds do not go away, or worse yet, reappear. None of us deserve continuous rewards for our healthy lifestyles, lest they become unhealthy because of overindulgence! If we reward ourselves for specific performances instead (that Saturday morning run, for example), we are less likely to cheat ourselves. That chocolate oblivion brownie with Hagen Daas dulce de leche ice cream I just had sure was good, though! [Doooh!]
In part two [The Way of the Scoundrel], sandbaggers will take another vicious blow to the jaw, road hogs will be slaughtered, and cutthroat competitors will be put under the microscope of reason. All of this will be followed by a short therapy session for Reed, and you will be invited to sit on the couch with him! Do you dare?!
In part one, lying and cheating ourselves and others was reviewed. The purpose was to take a look at ourselves and each other. Are we keeping it real? I certainly hope so! Here in part two we get to look more closely at the behavior of others, while keeping an eye on ourselves as we discover…
The Way of the Scoundrel
Keeping It Real – True Confessions of a Lying Cheating Running Scoundrel
Now, these bad traits are much easier to define and spot in other people. But once again, beware and don’t possess these hate-creating personality flaws… remember that we often run amongst the cars!
>Sandbagger Scum!
I’ve already touched on sandbagging. Now, we all know these people. It is annoying! These people show up for a run or a race. They whine and fret and b**ch about myriad ailments. Soon after the run starts all we see is their butt or a slowly disappearing race number. After the race we hear them called out for an age group award. Sandbagger Scum strikes again. Shut up and race. Jeeeez!
>King of the Road! [You could put my picture beside this one]
Well, runner/biker people of the world… actually, the road is NOT ours. While most of us own or admire ‘Share The Road’ shirts, why is it that we must ride/run two and three abreast on the roads and trails? Why is it that we fight with farmers each October who are struggling to get their crops in, and who have no other choice but to use the roads to get heavy equipment from field to field? Why do we blow through stop signs and lights without right-of-way, rarely announcing our intentions with hand signals? Why do we endanger pedestrians by going around them at 20+mph on sidewalks? It is no wonder that motorists, farmers, and pedestrians loathe to see a group of riders or runners coming at them. NEWSFLASH… slow down and get over! We can use the slow down to practice track stands and sprinting back up to pace. We can practice your coordination, teamwork, and off-road skills when we have to get over. The bottom line is this… we have enough enemies on the roads and trails without propagating more.
>Peacemaker Die!
Competition… it is one of the best parts of life, and it can distort the human mind into a selfish, reckless, human manifestation of hate in about 5 seconds. Most of us who run are competitive [or have we been sandbagging?!]. But what is true competition? It certainly is not spitting in our opponents’ lane before the swim start of a triathlon [One of our ‘lovely’ women Olympian swimmers from 2000 was known to do this]. Competition is certainly not wishing for our opponent to make a mistake or get ill. Let me give you my version again. Competition, in its truest sense, is preparing for and hoping for the best possible outcome for ourselves AND our fellow competitors, with winning as the goal. But winning becomes less relevant if a true competitive spirit exists. Personal performance and positive experience are the focus. I have written about this in previous articles. True champions are well prepared. On race day they lace up and wish their fellow competitors good luck. During the race they are quiet, focused, and if they talk they say only positive things to fellow competitors. After the race, they congratulate the best competitors regardless of their own finishing position. There are a few sports where this sense of decorum still exists. Generally, I think running and biking athletes are pretty good about having the right competitive spirit. But we could be better. The last time I was trash talked in a road race was years ago. I said something less than complimentary about the guy’s momma, knowing he wouldn’t stop mid-race to beat me up, and that I could disappear into the crowd at the finish! But those days are long gone for this writer.
The self-appraisal:
Nowadays I struggle to be a better person. When it comes to communicating I still stink at it sometimes. Sometimes I just need to shut up [like when confronted by a complete moron]. But, otherwise, I still try to keep it real all of the time. The hardest thing I have been learning is the transforming power of empathy. I have always been ‘geeked out’ about motorists and farmers trying to kill me on the roads. But then I started talking to a few of these people. I received some very real feedback [before they found out I was one of their ‘human targets.’] What I got was a dose of reality. As runners and bikers we are among the least desirable groups to relate to for non-athletes and motorists. I have been a lying, cheating, scoundrel at times. But now I tell people that I run to eat and to compete. I also say that my main competitor is me [because I am a weak, broken human]. I tell people I will try to crush them in a race, and that I would not even let my own kids win if I had any, let alone their kids! I am absolutely a freak about sandbagging, but even my own hatred of it doesn’t prevent an occasional lapse in self-awareness, with me making a sandbagging fool out of myself. And I know I just have to slow down and get over… but, I’m working on it.
